Nepenthe
by Vindicated Irony
Summary: "By helping I ease my suffering, even if only by a little." A wry smile. "Though it will never truly end, my suffering. And that's okay, because I deserve it." She couldn't help what had happened to her, but she'd been too much of a coward to turn away from the path they had set her on years ago.
1. Prologue

**Don't kill me. ._.**

**The chapters for this will probably be short, as this is sort of a time killer for when I'm stuck on 'Growing Amaryllis.'**

**I've actually had this specific character designed for awhile; she just didn't have a real home.**

**The songs 'The Beginning' and 'Koubou' by One Ok Rock somewhat inspired me to write this.**

* * *

"_It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone."_

― **John Steinbeck**

* * *

**Prologue: The Beginning**

**Eight Years Ago**

* * *

_Joyous_

_Playful_

_Innocent_

All words that can describe children, words that should describe a child; and for all intents and purposes they did. The children of Koyo village could most certainly be described that way.

Insei was one of those children, though she'd deny she was a child. She was _fourteen_. She was an _adult._ The word 'child' no longer described _her_. That was her opinion, but still, she was child-like in the way that she fit the abovementioned words. Her laugh could be heard in harmony with the other young ones as they ran through the streets and climbed in the trees.

They also had rivalries and arguments that befitted children.

"There's no way you can do what I can," a boy sneered from his perch in a short tree, "you're just a _girl."_

Insei's eyes narrowed and her hands found themselves on her hips as she glared at the boy, "Is that so?"

"That's right – Hey!" He leaned forward to watch her, soon having to jump down to keep her in sight.

The burgundy haired girl shimmied up the trunk of a tree, the boy that taunted her watching along with a few other children. Nobody spoke as they watched Insei pull herself onto a branch and glare down at her challenger.

"Who can't do what now?"

They boy opened his mouth to speak as the other children 'ooh'ed but his words died before they even had a chance to live. A faint 'boom' came from the direction of their village followed by a plume of smoke.

"What's that?!"

_Chaos_

_Change_

_Wanweird – an unhappy fate._

Those words described what was about to befall those children as they rushed back to their village. Had they not rushed back, maybe things wouldn't end up as bad as they would now. It would still be bad, yes, but more of them would be alive – possibly.

Insei stumbled as she ran the back way home. That way was quicker, and not that she knew it, but it was safer too.

It was in shambles, her home. Blood seeped from the bodies of her parents and her brother. The red substance was splattered on the ground and on the rubble. It seeped between her toes and coated her knees, splattering onto her clothes as she dropped to her knees.

Blue eyes wide, face slack, and streams of tears rolling down her cheeks.

That was how they found her. 'They' being a group of men from the group that had desecrated her village and family. To say 'they' were surprised to see the girl was an understatement and one man moved forward, hand on his sword, but another stopped him.

"Ryuu?"

That man, Ryuu, he was intrigued. The girl wasn't sobbing, she wasn't screaming, she was just simply there. Tears streamed down her face, sure, but they were more an obligation her body seemed to supply in her silent grief.

"We're taking her with us," Ryuu stepped forward, a smirk tilting the corners of his lips up, "She has some potential."

She was numb as they hauled her off. Her mind seemed to be processing things slowly, but once they were processed Insei couldn't even fathom what she wanted to do; what she should do in this situation. So she let them take her without a fight and remained numb as they shoved her into the back of a cart where there were some other children, mostly boys.

There was a yell and the cart jerked forward.

Forward into a life she would never be able to truly shake.

_Despair_

_Pain_

_Hate_

Those words had become her new reality for eight long years.

* * *

"_I think there's a secret part of me that would like to drop my entire life off a cliff and watch it break into a million pieces."_

― **Suzanne Morrison**


	2. Chapter 1

**I only own what is not familiar.**

* * *

"_I think there's a secret part of me that would like to drop my entire life off a cliff and watch it break into a million pieces."_

― **Suzanne Morrison**

* * *

**Eight Years Ago.**

* * *

There were a couple of women with those bandits, old, hardened women. They acted kind and nice, but there was a hard edge to them and Insei knew that those women could be just as ruthless as the men when they wanted to be. She figured they used those women to soften them, make them feel safe.

"Don't you worry child," they'd say, "you'll be safe and become nice and strong."

But if one listened carefully and had the ability to interpret things, you'd catch the words hidden in their tone.

"You'll become nice and strong." _Unless you die first._

The only other girl that had made it to the encampment was the same age as Insei, and she seemed to eat up everything the women said. She was desperate for comfort, for assurance.

"You can be just like us," they'd tell the two girls, "you just have to listen and train hard."

All Insei heard was, _'Maybe you can make it, it's not likely though. You better obey or we'll run you down.'_

So she listened. She listened and she observed and she acted as if she was okay with it all. Ayame, the other girl, tried too. And she was still alive, they both were. The boys they'd come here with were still mostly there, though a few were missing.

Everyone was wearing down it seemed, and that was what the bandits wanted. At least, that's what Insei surmised from the situation. Not many of them would live through this, she figured, it had been half a year and only four of the thirteen boys were gone.

She bet that nearly all of them would be gone before the year was out. But she wouldn't, not a chance; because, she was too_ afraid_ to die.

A wail rang out from over where the boys were, gaining both Insei and Ayame's attention. One of the boys had broken down, finally worn down from whatever it was the boys had been doing in training.

"No more," he screamed, "I – I don't want to kill anyone else! No more!"

Insei's hand tightened around her cup and Ayame tensed next to her. Neither of them had had to kill anyone yet; they'd just been learning to fight and about herbs and plants.

One of the men jerked the boy forward by his shirt – the boy, Insei figured, was only two or so years older than her – and the boy promptly lashed out at the man.

A crunch echoed throughout the now silent encampment as the man's fist smashed into the boy's face. And suddenly there was a scream ushered out of the boy's mouth that ended in a bloody gurgle as the man plunged a sword into his chest.

* * *

Ever since the public punishment and succinct execution of the rebelling boy everyone tried their best to hold everything they felt in. They all followed several simple rules:

**No complaining.**

**Don't cry.**

**Never refuse an order.**

**Do not fail.**

Those rules worked for the most part, though some had to be learned the hard way when three more of the boys were promptly gotten rid of for varying reasons having to do with the above-mentioned rules.

Ayame, Insei noticed, was getting shakier and shakier. The other girl's skin was pale and she barely spoke, it hurt Insei to see the girl slowly but surely imploding. She wanted to say something, anything that might help her.

"Ayame," she whispered from her sleeping spot next to her fellow female.

The other girl rolled over to meet Insei's eyes, but had no other reaction.

Insei swallowed before slowly speaking, "I was once told to never give up and always believe, because if you believe nothing is impossible."

"So, you see," Insei hesitated for a moment, "if we keep believing and don't give up, maybe we can get out of this alive."

Ayame seemed to chew on the words her fellow female had said and briefly nodded, "I…we can try, right? I can at least try."

Though she had said she would try, Insei had a feeling that Ayame just wasn't going to make it.

A week after their bedtime conversation, the girls were faced with what the boys had faced months ago. In front of them sat two men, both tied up and gagged, and both were staring fearfully at the girls in front of them.

"Go ahead; Ayame," one of the women crooned, pushing the quivering girl forward, "Just one quick hit and you'll be done."

Ayame took an involuntary step forward before falling to her knees and letting the sword they'd given her rattle to the ground.

"I – I can't," a dry sob escaped the now wide-eyed girl, "I _can't_."

The eldest of the women, a woman Insei new as Lady Corona, sighed and stepped forward with a harsh look on her face. A few seconds later she had Ayame's discarded sword in hand and was staring down at the girl.

"Such a shame too," Lady Corona's voice was solemn; "I thought you had potential."

There was no time for Ayame to respond; there was barely time for her to blink. Insei's jaw clenched as Ayame's head rolled across the ground and her blood seemed into the dirt from her fallen body.

"Well, girl," Lady Corona turned to Insei, the sword she held still dripping with Ayame's blood, "what will become of you?"

Her next action required no thinking; her body just acted. And once Insei was aware of what she was doing, it was too late. The head of the man that had been placed in front of her had already joined that of Ayame's on the floor.

She barely reacted on the surface as she was sprinkled with the man's blood, but inside, inside she was _screaming_.

* * *

**Current Day**

* * *

The little farming village she was in was quiet; the people weary from the looming presence of the Nobuseri. Insei couldn't help but feel bad for these people and their harsh reality. It was a life she would probably be living if that rogue group of bandits hadn't of destroyed her village and taken her.

Part of her wondered if she would have been better off living in fear rather than living in disgust of herself.

She hefted up some bags and she continued to ponder as she helped a little old lady get her groceries home.

Insei decided she would hate the other life too; but would it be better to fear for her life every day or to remain as she was and regret everything she had ever done.

It made things better though, helping other people.

Instead of hurting, she was helping.

And right now, that was all she wanted to do. Not to mention…

It was all she could do to help herself.

* * *

**She'll probably run into some actual characters in one of the next two chapters.**


	3. Chapter 2

**I only own Insei.**

* * *

"_People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict."_

― **Lemony Snicket**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

* * *

"Are you sure you have to leave?" It was the village elder that called out to her, a murmur of agreement from the small group with him followed his words, "You're a sweet, helpful young lady. I'm sure you could have a good life here if you settled down."

A soft smile touched Insei's lips as she faced the small farewell party.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't stay. I'm needed elsewhere."

The old man chuckled and spoke once more, a strange glint in his eyes, "Anywhere where people need help, I'm assuming? Such a busy and hard path you've set for yourself."

She laughed; it was slight and tinged with what seemed a bit like melancholy, "It's a path I need to walk."

The last sentence she spoke was drowned in the wind as she moved forward, "_It's my nepenthe_."

With that she left, wanting to make progress before nightfall hit and she had to stop. The goodbyes from the villagers, both old and young, still rang out behind her as she turned the bend.

* * *

Insei tugged slightly on her sakkat* to further shield her eyes from the sun's rays and mentally thanked herself for wearing clothing that breathed. At this point she wasn't sure where exactly she wanted to go, there were a couple of options ahead of her.

Up ahead the path would diverge; two lead to the city and the third to a large village. The city, she knew would be the more bustling (obviously) and stressful of the two options. She still had several hours of walking left to decide, so she wasn't too rushed in making a decision.

"Hey, stop it!" Her head jerked to the side where the muffled call had come from. Through the small thicket and woods there was another path, she knew. It was the shorter and quicker way to the city; it was more dangerous too.

Insei quietly maneuvered through the woods, pushing her sakkat to hang around her neck as she pressed up against a tree and peeked around.

"Just give us your stuff, and maybe you won't get hurt."

_Bandits_, she realized. And they were messing with a small group of farmers. It she hadn't of already decided to help based on the fact that they were _bandits_, the man's next words would have made her decision otherwise.

"Might as well give us the young lady too, she'll be loads of fun."

There was a near silent _shik_ as Insei pulled out her retractable bo staff. Everyone seemed to freeze when her bow staff jabbed the lead man in the back of the head and her soft feminine voice filled the area.

"It's not nice to pick on those who cannot defend themselves."

Suddenly all attention was on her. The farmers – a man, teenage girl, and a female child – were staring at her wide-eyed and the three bandits had jerked around to sneer at her. The lead man was particularly angry with her and with a red face he stepped forward.

"So you want to be picked on instead, girly?" He hissed and started to move closer to her, pulling out his sword, "'Cause I'll be glad to –"

Tired of hearing his drivel, Insei cut him off by slamming her bo into the side of his face, stunning him. While he was stunned she rammed the staff into his stomach, leaving him on the ground both winded and unconscious with his sword clattering down next to him.

Three gasps and two snarls broke through the new silence and the remaining two bandits charged from either side of her.

"Mah, really now," she went into a back bend when one man swung at her and promptly lifted her legs into the air to slam a foot in that man's face. Insei used the momentum from her kick to get back to her feet just in time to block another hit from the third bandit's sword, knocking his sword out of his hands and succinctly changed her bo staff's course to meet the man's temple.

"Anger," she chided, "Makes your attacks sloppy."

"Wow, Miss that sure was somethin'!" An exuberant voice called up to her and Insei looked down to meet the eyes of the child, "Are you a female samurai?"

A look of contemplation crossed over the little girls face and Insei kept quiet, waiting to see what the child would say next.

"Then again, you don't have a sword," the girl pouted for a moment before looking up again, "Are you a ninja instead?"

"Komachi!" The teenager moved to scold the younger girl and Insei looked between them, assuming they were sisters from the slight resemblances between the two.

Then again, she knew what assuming could do. It could make an _'ass'_ out of _'u'_ and _'me.'_

The teenage girl turned to Insei and bowed, "I'm sorry for her behavior. And thanks you very much for saving us."

The man bowed his head too, seemingly nervous, "Oh, um, yes, thank you miss!"

Insei smiled a closed eye smile, "It's alright; kids will be kids. It was my pleasure to help; it's what I seem to do best." She turned to Komachi, a wry smile now on her face, "And no, I'm not a samurai or a ninja. Sorry, little one."

The child pouted, "Who you callin' little?"

The teenager placed a hand on the little girl's head, "Regardless of your reasons, thank you." She then motioned to her male companion, then herself, and then the child, "This is Rikichi, I am Kirara, and this is my little sister Komachi."

So they _were_ sisters.

Insei bowed slightly. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I am Insei Odayakana. And if you don't mind me asking," Her blue eyes drifted to the unconscious bandits for a moment, "Why are you traveling on this road? It's awfully dangerous compared to the main one."

"W-well," Rikichi scratched the back of his head, "it's the quickest way to the city…"

Kirara nodded, "Yes, and we must get there as quickly as possible. So we must be off; once again, thank you for your help."

The three villagers trundled off and Insei frowned. There would more than likely be more bandits on this path further along. She couldn't let them go alone. Her soul and heart alike seemed to shift a bit; she needed to help them.

"Wait, please," the three turned to her, confused, "Please let me go with you; I'm going to the city anyways, and I'd hate for you to get accosted my more bandits."

* * *

Rikichi and Kirara, she noticed, had seemed to be relieved at the thought of not having to be concerned about bandits, and Insei was happy. Little Komachi seemed indifferent about it and just continued to ask many questions despite her sister's scolding.

"Where are you from?" Question number twenty-two.

"A small farming village."

"Us too!" Question number twenty-three, "How come you fight so good?"

A wry smile, "Lots of practice."

Que the pout, "_Why'd_ you learn to fight?"

"It was the best option."

Before Komachi could ask another question Kirara butted in, "Komachi, I'm sure Insei would appreciate it if you stopped questioning her."

"But siiiis," Komachi whined, "I'm _bored_!"

They argued for a bit before Komachi crossed her arms and pouted in defeat, Kirara sighing in response and Rikichi laughing weakly. It seemed this small group had quite a bit of pressure on their shoulders from what Insei could tell; she just hoped it wasn't something horrible. If she had to guess, the probably had a mission of sorts in the city. She saw no other reason for them to be going there.

* * *

Rikichi slouched in relief as they came to a stop at the city's entrance, "Finally, we're here."

"Thank you for coming with us and for your help, Insei," Kirara bowed slightly, "But, if I may ask, what is it you are doing here in the city?"

Insei smiled lightly, "Oh, it's just where my path led me."

The three villagers blinked and spoke in unison, "Your path?"

"Yes, but don't you worry about that." Insei waved as she prepared to head off into the bustling crowds, "Oh, and be careful! You may want to find somewhere to leave your things!"

Kirara and Rikichi nodded at her advice and Komachi cheerily waved back at Insei.

"Oh, and," Insei called over her shoulder before she disappeared, "if you see me again and need any help don't be afraid to ask!"

* * *

** *****_Sakkat_ -** A rustic hat knit from rough reeds and bamboos that shields against the rain and the glare of the sun.

**It's the same as** the hat Shunsui Kyoraku wears. Also, the same as what the Akatsuki wear, just without the dangling bits of paper.


End file.
